It seems that sexual assault is everywhere. And society dismisses it. They don’t do a damn thing. It breaks my heart every time that I hear of it happening. And even more so when it is someone I know.
It infuriates me to see the offenders walk free while the survivors are haunted by memories and blamed by others for the assault happening. I’m sick of this. I’m sick of people being violated, hurt so profoundly. I’m sick of sexual assault being downplayed and survivors being shamed into silence. It’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit.
I can’t understand why this happens. Why are people so desperate for power that they would rape a fellow human being? I am enraged. I’ve heard stories of people being raped by their entire family and of people who couldn’t press charges because they didn’t fight back “hard enough.” Stories about people who were too intoxicated to resist when being held down.
The burden shouldn’t be on the victim to beat the offender away. “No” should be enough. Being unable to consent due to being asleep, being a child, or being very intoxicated should be enough.
I’m not sure what justice looks like but, this isn’t it.
I’ve heard a lot about forgiveness lately. Forgiveness from survivors and forgiveness from God. What bothers me about these recent discussions is that once forgiveness supposedly happens, the behavior is dismissed. People forget to clarify that it is still wrong. They pretend it never even happened. In the case of survivors forgiving the people who hurt them, it should be their choice, for their own health. Not to make the attacker feel better or to please others or a religion. I believe in returning power and hope to survivors, not stripping them of their right to feel angry.
If you know a survivor (trust me, you do), support them. Allow them to feel. Give them the comfort or space they need. If they need to talk, listen. Help them to stay in the present. Assure them that they are safe now. DON’T ask them why they didn’t fight back or why they didn’t scream. Don’t tell them that they shouldn’t have “put themselves in that situation.” The offender made the choice to deny the right to consent. Lack of consent = sexual assault and don’t you dare ever blame a survivor for that.
I long for a day when this is no longer an issue. Until then, I will fight for all of the survivors out there. I will fight for myself.